I found this web site recently. It has a compilation of things liberals post on the internet that are crazy, weird, etc. If liberals amuse you or drive you crazy, go on over to http://www.shitliberalssay.com/index.html
‘Humor’ category
Shit Liberals Say?
November 19th, 2010Conversation with a Facebook hacker
November 7th, 2010The following conversation began when one of my facebook friends popped in on me using facebook chat. I soon realized things were not as they seemed.
FACEBOOK CHAT
SUSAN: hello??
ME: Hi Susie! Sorry, I was not at my computer.
SUSAN: hello???
ME: Hi.
SUSAN: how are you doing
ME: Pretty good. How are things out your way?
SUSAN: not too good at the moment
ME: What’s wrong?
SUSAN: am in a deep mess
ME: What is wrong?
SUSAN: my family and I came down here to Cardiff,England for a short vacation unfortunately we were mugged at the park of the hotel where we stayed.all cash,credit card and cell were stolen off us???
/////// THIS STORY MADE ME INSTANTLY SUSPICIOUS
ME: Who do you know in England?
SUSAN: just came on a short vacation??
ME: Give me a call.
SUSAN: i need your help too get back home
ME: Give me a call, Susie.
SUSAN: I wich i can call you
ME: Call me at (XXX) XXX-XXXX
SUSAN: but my cell has been stolen
ME: Borrow someone’s cell and give me a call. Have you contacted your brother?
SUSAN: so i dont have access to make any call
ME: Have you contacted your brother?
SUSAN: The hotel management won’t let me go until i settle the hotel ME
ME: Well, borrow their telephone and call me. I’m sure they will understand.
Do you want me to contact your mom for you?
////// THAT LAST QUESTION WAS A LITTLE TEST. SUSAN’S MOM PASSED AWAY AWHILE BACK AND I SUSPECTED THE FRAUDSTER WOULD NOT KNOW THAT.
SUSAN: OMG!!! I have tried to sort out my way out of here peacefully but nothing seems to be working out
ME: Do you want me to contact your mom for you?
SUSAN: she is out of cash and she have tried all her possible bestand my return flight leave in in few hrs time and the management won’t let me goam freaked out
////// AHA! NOW I WAS CERTAIN THIS WAS FRAUD. I DECIDED TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN
ME: Well, you are so screwed
SUSAN: I need you to loan me some cash. Promise to refund it back ??are you there
ME: Have you tried contacting the American embassy???
SUSAN: i have spoken to the embassy here but they are not responding to the matter effectively and right now i really need your help cause my return flight leaves in few hours and am having problem in sorting out the hotel MEs and i need you to loan me some money so that i can pay the MEs and get a flight back home.
ME: How much do you need?
SUSAN: All i need is $1,300
ME: Good God! You might as well ask for a pint of my blood!!!!
SUSAN: ??
ME: Might not have that much. Let me check my pockets….. I can send enough to get you lunch, about $20.00
SUSAN: OMG!
ME: OK, ok….. Hold on….OK, I can send $40.00
SUSAN: That can’t cover the ME promise to refund it back
ME: Do you want me to call one of your other family members to help? Tell me which one and I will call them.
SUSAN: no i don’t wan’t to make a scene of thisplease help me
ME: Ok. Where shall I send the $40?At least that will help with cigarettes. BTW? Did you go to London while you were there?
SUSAN: Did you think am joking
ME: My girlfriend Madonna will also send $50.00 so that is $90 total. I will send another $10 to make it an even $100 and, No, I did not think you am joking.
SUSAN: I can see you are making a jest of me
ME: That is the best I can do because my Mercedez payment is due on Monday. I wouldn’t jest. Do you want the money or not, Susan?
SUSAN: Thanks for your concern
/////// I THOUGHT THE CROOK WAS DONE WITH HIS GAME, SO I FLUNG A COUPLE OF FINAL INSULTS AND CONTINUED TO MESS WITH HIS HEAD.
ME: Anytime jackass.
SUSAN: I will seek help elsewhere
ME: You’re breaking my heart, moron. Let me know where I can send that money.
SUSAN: That can’t get me out of here,so i will seek for help elsewhere
ME: I guess my BENZ payment can wait. YOu know, you still owe me that money from 2 years ago for the sex change operation. Are you sure you will pay me back this time?
SUSAN: yes
ME: OK then. Hold on while I check my bank book…
SUSAN: ok
ME: Okay , I can loan you $1050.00 but that is it. You will need to get the rest from your husband.
SUSAN: ok
ME: Sorry, i meant ex husband. I Know you don’t like him after he divorced you for another man. WHere do I send this to?
SUSAN: should i send you the info needed??
ME: Yes yes, of course. Do you think I am psychic?
SUSAN: you can have it send to me via western union to my name
ME: OK, what is your name again…? Susan XXXXXXXX?
SUSAN: Yes!
ME: I haven’t sent mony via Western Union for awhile. Is there a certain form I ask for?
SUSAN: 125 Ty Glas Road
Llanishen Cardiff CF14 5FP
United Kingdom
Susan XXXXXXX
ME: Jolly good, old fellow. Hold on…..
SUSAN: ok.how long will it take you ??
ME: I don’t know yet…. I don’t know where the nearsest West. Union is….Maybe 30 minutes to 1 hour I suppose. It might take me up to 3 hours because I need to stop and get my feet manicured. I was just about to do that when you contacted me.
SUSAN: okyou can have the transfer details send to my b e-mail fishchiic1@yahoo.comyou there
ME: OK. I will ddo
SUSAN: ok thanks
ME: I’m leaving the house in 20 minutes. I twill take me about 30 minutes to 3 hours from there.
SUSAN: ok
ME: Remember to vote Republican.
SUSAN: ??
ME: Nevermind. I’m leaving now to send the money.
///// I HOPE HE WAITED A LONG TIME. DIM WIT.
///// I COULD NOT GET IN CONTACT WITH SUSAN TO WARN HER ABOUT THIS, BUT I DID CONTACT HER DAUGHTER TO LET HER KNOW.
//// BEWARE WHEN SOMEONE YOU THINK YOU KNOW CONTACTS YOU ON FACEBOOK TO BORROW MONEY! IT MIGHT NOT BE WHO YOU THINK IT IS ;-
Chuck Norris Facts, Part 3
September 29th, 2010- There is not a chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. It is another fist.
- The great wall of China was built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed.
- Chuck Norris once played golf for money and marked down a hole in 0 every time. A pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: “excuse me sir, but you can’t score zero on a hole”. Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, I’m Chuck Norris. The man, realizing his error, then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because he knew it would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked to the face by Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris once had surgery, they applied anesthesia to the doctors.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
- Chuck Norris’ body temperature is 98.6 degrees… Celsius.
- If you write the name CHUCK NORRIS on your SAT exam, you will score a 9000.
- Chuck Norris and I were once together in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, ‘I’m Chuck Norris! SAY IT!’ The deer then moves his lips in such a way as to eek out the words ‘Chuck Norris’ … It wasn’t exactly perfect, but it was pretty good for a deer.
- Whoever said “only the good die young” was probably in Chuck Norris’ kindergarten class.
Fifty Dollars is Fifty Dollars
May 29th, 2010
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year.
And every year Morris would say,
‘Esther,I’d like to ride in that helicopter.’
Esther always replied,
‘I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,and fifty dollars is fifty dollars!’
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
‘Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.’
To this, Esther replied,
‘Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.’
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! ‘
‘But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.’
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again…
But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,
‘By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.
I’m impressed!’
Morris replied,
‘Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out,
But you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!
Where to find chuck norris
May 12th, 2010
Chuck Norris Facts (Part 2)
May 12th, 2010- Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs of beer and pooped on the floor, just because he’s Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
- Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
- In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
- A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
- Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris once brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by rubbing it with his beard. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew that Chuck giveth, and Chuck taketh away.
- There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
